Sunday, 31 March 2013

Parenting Fail

You know what I feel is wrong with parenting these days? We Google too much and gullibly believe all those researches done.

I don't think a reference link is needed because we all know about the FM vs BM debate. My girl has been on BM for 11 months now. I can't say fully because during the few nights I was recovering in the hospital, I gave her to the nurses who gave her FM and I didn't think much of it. All I wanted was rest. When I got home, I made it a mission to provide BM for as long as I could. Of course, there was that day my EBM was low and I desperately wanted to get out of the house with the husband. We got FM for the kid to try. She took in just one bottle. My supply kicked in and FM was never heard again. Whenever my EBM supply was low, I'd rant to Afah and mentally prepare myself for FM but at the same time, worked hard to get back my supply. Ups and downs, still on BM. Proud, yes but I'm starting to get really tired. I might just go FM.

I have my reasons for wanting to breastfeed Nuryn for as long as I could. I had an emergency c-sect, went through a slight bout of postnatal depression, felt less of a woman and to make myself feel better, I breastfeed. Also, FM is darn expensive. Why pay for something my body can produce? While I believe in the goodness of BM, FM isn't too bad. I grew up on FM, I turned out fine albeit a little brain damaged and emotional at times, but hey, who isn't?

Then there's the natural-without-painkillers-birth vs natural-with-painkillers-birth vs slice-me-up-birth. For 18 hours, I endured contractions without epidural or gas. I was prepared to tear and push a kid out but I was sliced open instead. Why? Waterbag burst, leaked for way too long, kid was head down but spine-to-spine, the doctor didn't like the fact that Nuryn's heartbeat was fluctuating and disappearing. I am thankful for medical advances, I am not thankful for the criticisms that followed. I am still trying not to kill myself for not having a natural birth. It may seem that I've healed pretty well on the outside but I can't say the same for my insides.

Hitting milestones. Maybe it's the BM but people have always commented Nuryn is a strong baby, hitting her milestones before babies her age. So when it seemed like she was going to bypass the whole crawling and head to walking, my mother beamed. I worried. I read this: Why skipping this milestone isnt necessarily a good thing. But my youngest sister walked at 9 months without going through the crawling stage. She turned out fine, a little clumsy at times but fine. Anyway, Nuryn decided to crawl instead and it was amazing. I don't know how to explain it but every time she discovered something on the floor, her face lights up. Of course, we faced another problem with her explorations..

My girl falls. She fell from the bed a few times, fell off her toy car and grew a bump, fell on her butt while working on her get the idea. I have a very active child and I accept the challenge. What I don't accept is being judged for my parenting choices. I believe falling is a learning stage. Sorta a rite of passage. "Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up." Someone openly said diL and I are slacker parents. There is some truth but oh so judgmental. We are not going to be like the parents in Bubble Boy. Nuryn doesn't live in a bubble and the world isn't all pretty. But we're not slackers. We just do things a little differently from the rest. So Nuryn, please keep falling till you learn how to pick yourself up. We need you to be independent.

What else? Oh sleeping choices. Co-sleep vs sleep on your own. Rock her to sleep vs let her cry to sleep. This is what I do, I rock her to sleep or let her roll on my bed till she falls asleep. Co-sleep for a little while and when she's in deep sleep, carry her into her cot. As much as I love having her next to me, I can't sleep well knowing I might accidentally squash her. diL and I always end up on the extreme ends of the bed just so kid has enough space. It's not comfortable for us and really, after a whole day being parents, sometimes, it's nice to just be a married couple and snuggle up to sleep. Why do you think there are articles like "How to strengthen a marriage after a baby" or "Marriage tips after a baby". And theeeeen...

We get slack for leaving Nuryn with her grandparents while diL and I go out for the night. As much as possible, we bring the girl along. But I'm not going to be a social nuisance and bring my screaming child to a cinema. Anyway, dates are important. Quick dates are just as effective. We're the kind who will think about Nuryn when we're out without her but we have full trust in my parents and will not call in to check. If they need us, they'll call and that only happened once. Of course we're responsible parents. We're usually home before midnight so my mom can have her sleep. She's still working. I am ever so thankful for having understanding parents. Parenting is hard work. Keeping a marriage sane is just as hard and I think some trusted friends have known how many times I was close to giving up. But here's an update, WE'RE WORKING BETTER AS A TEAM!! FUCK YOU! =)

Wow lengthy. I'm not perfect. I'm still learning. I google but read with a pinch of salt. I try not to judge but it's hard. I have a few mom-friends that I turn to when I need help. I avoid "support/help" forums as much as possible. I don't like their "macam faham" vibe at times. I avoid mom-blogs that seem fake, blogging about how easy it is being a mom and wife. I'm just a little choosy. Again, I don't know where I'm going with this. Oh right, life is not all roses. Some times, it's a little guns and roses. And so, I will go listen to some GnR now.


Erda M. Kamal said...

you're doing good mak nunu! *pats on the back and picit sikit boobage*

tigermom said...

but but but who give a shit what they got to say? we are not guru/god. we are human who have flaws. u is doing extremely well and awesomely la wei!!

Peace in Pieces said...

We have used these diapers since our baby was a Newborn. With 4 little nieces, we knew which brand we wanted and which type. In the family's "mom's circle" it was just well known to go with honest diapers. During our baby shower, one of the gift baskets had a pack of expensive diapers and sure enough, we had 2 blow-outs/leak-throughs in the short amount of time we used them.
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